Kpopalypse returns with a new competition post just for you! Whether it's about winning an award nobody cares about, getting to #1 on some pointless chart somewhere or coming at the top of some random dicksucking bullshit list made up by some nobodies, it's clear that K-pop fans love competitions, especially ones where they can get involved and vote as many times as they like! So hopefully you'll also like this post, where Kpopalypse investigates which music genre has the most epilepsy-inducing music videos!
Welcome to the EPILEPSY MV CHALLENGE! Let's introduce the competitors!
In the WHITE corner representing K-POP we have T-ARA.
Known for their consistently catchy feature tracks, outstanding looks, international success, extreme dateability and high determination levels, T-ara in 2015 are an unstoppable force among Korean pop girl groups (as the people who have been trying to stop them ever since 2012 have gradually found out). T-ara are also infamous among k-pop fans as "that group with the music videos that bore a hole clean through the viewer's eyeballs and straight into their fucking skull", the closest thing k-pop has to BDSM for the retinas. No wonder Whitehouse founder William Bennett is a fan.
In the BLACK corner representing ELECTRO-INDUSTRIAL we have FRONT LINE ASSEMBLY.
One of the founding groups of the electro-industrial genre, Canadian group Front Line Assembly emerged in the 1980s and combined the soundscapes and harshness of industrial music with synthesisers, drum machines and layered samples plus a strong pop songwriting sensibility, finding creative success and international recognition. They also made a ton of music videos that have probably sent hundreds of people into epileptic seizures and will make you think twice about clicking on a YouTube link for a group you've never heard of ever again in your lifetime.
The challenge for you, the reader - watch the following videos, in their entirety, then vote for each round answering questions concerning your relative impression of their retina-shredding epilepsy-inducing properties and your mental health. But before we start, a quick warning:
The challenge for you, the reader - watch the following videos, in their entirety, then vote for each round answering questions concerning your relative impression of their retina-shredding epilepsy-inducing properties and your mental health. But before we start, a quick warning:
ROUND 1: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - EASY
T-ara - Roly Poly (short MV version)
T-ara's trademark fast cutting is in full effect for the video to their fantastic disco-themed feature track, with barely a shot in the entire MV lasting for more than two beats of music (just under one second). The visual harshness is exacerbated by the gaudy colours and nightclub lighting, however the effect is also softened by the occasional long shot and the matching dance routines between cuts, making "Roly Poly" one of T-ara's easier on the eye videos.
Front Line Assembly - Virus
Front Line Assembly's "Virus" is characterised by long shots of scenes interspersed with frames of other scenes or stills cut in at rhythmic intervals, creating a deliberately jarring effect that complements the song's harsh sound. The barrage of images is reduced during the song's breakdown where a "synaptic analysis" provides some welcome visual relief, dividing the video into two relatively easily-digestible halves.
ROUND 2: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - MEDIUM
T-ara - Bo Peep Bo Peep (Japanese MV version)
The audio here is from the original Korean version of T-ara's "Bo Peep" but the visuals are from the Japanese MV which included the first iteration of 7-member T-ara. Extra member Hwayoung's presence here however won't bother anybody, you'll be lucky if you can even focus on her at all during this video's rapid-fire cuts. At least the colours are consistently muted and pleasing and there's some occasional boob bounce to focus on.
Front Line Assembly - Plasticity
Muted and consistent colours also save Front Line Assembly's "Plasticity" from the realms of complete unwatchability, as do a welcome decision to use fades rather than hard cuts for many scenes. This is however mitigated by the excessive amounts of lightning-speed CGI graphic overlays, often cut at a rate of 16 frames to each (quite fast) bar of music. Good luck keeping your eyes focused let alone figuring out what the hell is going on.
ROUND 3: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - HARD
T-ara - Sugar Free (Big Room version)
With over 650 documented individual cuts, T-ara's "Sugar Free" is one of the most notorious examples of their MV editor's aesthetic sensibilities. The girls may look great but honestly nobody can tell with the cutting happening at this speed. I can't fap to this because although when my cum shoots out of my balls I might be looking at Eunjung, by the time it hits the computer screen it's probably switched over to Boram, and that's just not right.
Front Line Assembly - Mindphaser (original 12" mix)
One of the most innovative budget MVs ever made, "Mindphaser" superimposed members of Front Line Assembly over the action in Japanese mecha film Gunhed, creating a cool futuristic-looking cyberpunk-style video on the cheap. To make the effect seamless enough to make the group look like a believable part of the action, the MV director colour-matched beautifully - and then inserted even more cuts than "Sugar Free", lucky us.
ROUND 4: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - EXTREME
T-ara - I Go Crazy Because Of You
T-ara's stomping Autotuned Britney-Spears-on-steroids early hit was a full-tilt assault on the senses with a music video to match. The MV for "I Go Crazy Because Of You" is full of the usual trademark fast cuts, plus strobes and other garish lighting effects that make the group members almost undetectable by comparison despite the fact that they're front and center in every single shot. Insert obvious joke about the song title being apt here.
Front Line Assembly - Iceolate
Front Line Assembly's "Iceolate" doesn't seem that jarring at first until you realise that half the cuts that have been inserted into the video aren't really even of anything specifically identifiable and then your brain starts gradually turning into mush as it tries unsuccessfully to filter out the superfluous images. Oh and did I mention the ultra-fast cutting and hideous colour schemes because that's also a thing here.
ROUND 5: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - OH FUCK THIS SHIT
T-ara - Day By Day (dance MV version)
Between all the cutting I noticed that T-ara dance in front of six windows in this video, a hint at the inevitable destiny of the once-8-piece group. This might seem profound of me but not really, I only noticed this shit because the windows were the only thing I could focus on as they don't reflect the maddening constant strobe lights like everything else. How the hell the girls filmed this without blinking every time a light went off I have no idea, I'd personally be crying in a corner begging for the strobe machine to stop after a few takes. I guess it really is a difference in determination levels.
Front Line Assembly - The Blade (Technohead mix)
If you think a mostly black and white MV might make Front Line Assembly's trademark light-speed cutting more watchable, think again. The harshness is unbearable plus it's also very repetitive as they recycle the same footage over and over in this clip. Things don't get any easier with the rare splashes of puke-infused colour. I don't think I've ever felt any more grateful to be colour blind. Has anyone alive actually even seen this fucking video all the way through without skipping bits?
VOTING
Now that you've seen all the videos, it's time for YOU to vote! Click the fast-cutting T-ara image below to cast your vote in the K-pop vs Eletrco-Industrial Epilepsy MV Challenge!
After enough votes are cast, this post will be updated with the results! Get voting, folks!
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